I'm not doing so good at this blogging thing...gosh, who steals all my time!? (Ha! See the earlier post about time stealers!) This time of the year is so busy and it leaves me craving SILENCE!
Since I've posted last every single person in my house has been sick. There are a lot of things that I am not, but I like to think I'm a pretty compassionate person. I love being a mama and taking care of my children, loving on them, doing for them...and the same goes for my husband. BUT...who knew I'd be called on to dish compassion out for soooooooo long! It's been a long time since we had sickness like that here. It was one of those times when people ask you, "so how is everyone doing..." and you don't even want to answer because the truth just seems too crazy to believe. Abby had mono...FOREVER, then a virus hit our home. Enough said. No well of sympathy is THAT DEEP! :)
Needless to say, it's been kinda crazy here. That combined with the Holiday's, I've got good reason (excuse/explanation) for blogging to have slipped to the back burner. Thankfully, everyone is almost 100%.
So...the new year is coming and I LOVE new beginnings. It's like I feel like I've been given a "do-over". What will I do differently this year? Well, since the mullie-grubs finally left (probably so I could take care of the sick & afflicted) I have been able to do some productive thinking finally. What did I come up with? Well, there is a brilliant statement that I can't remember right now that says something about continuing to do the same things but expecting different results. Hello...that would be my 2009! I kinda want to look in a mirror and say..."Well, duh Angie, what did you expect?!" I guess I expected Jesus to be sitting at my bar one morning with a to-do list typed up for me. Hmm...now what would that teach me or develop in me?
I decided this week that I had allowed myself to forget (again) that God has a plan for me. He has a plan for each and everyone of us. That's no big secret, right. I don't usually have a problem with passing judgement on you and your journey. The problem arises when I begin to beat myself up and get discouraged when my path isn't shaping up like I perceive yours to be. It's not you I judge, it's me. It's not that I want your journey, its just that I think I'm failing miserably at mine. What I'm learning is this...Your journey wouldn't fit me even if I tried it on...nor would mine fit you. My every experience & opportunity (and unfortunately even my every temptation) is taylor-made for me. Jesus designed my path to take me places, teach me things and develop within me what He has ultimately planned for me. How relieved I am to realize I'm not powerful enough to alter God's will for my life. It's not about just today or yesterday, there's a big picture here. There is a desired end result that I don't see yet...but I know who does! I cannot neglect the fact that I have responsibility for my actions and God always gives me a choice. It also goes without saying that there are consequences to my decisions and they are real...as are the lessons I learn through them. I cannot avoid consequences and sometimes they really hurt (me, people I love and Jesus). The amazing thing about grace is this, when doing this life thing with Jesus, He sticks around through difficulties too, even those that are self-inflicted.
What I hope to do differently this year is stop listening to that negative person living in my head telling me what a "major loser" I am. This year I'm going to offer an argument to that voice and remind it what God promises me as HIS child! This year, I'm going to listen when I hear Jesus whispering..."Go ahead baby girl, you can do this." When He says, "I made you for this Angie, now you go be the woman I know you are!" This year, I'm going to try to stand taller. When He says "I'm safe Angie...I will not hurt you...you are My child and I love you!" This year, I'm going to take deeper breaths and try to relax and rest in what HE knows is ahead for me. Finally, and perhaps most importantly for me, this year when I fall down, when I goof up, when I catch a glimpse of your journey and begin that negative dialogue, and it WILL happen, I'm going to allow Him to stand me up, to brush off my knees and to give me (another) second chance. Why? Because His love for me knows no limits.
Wow. See what we have to look forward to? You can't have messed up things so badly that Jesus has given up on you. Let me say that again, just in case you missed it. You can't have messed up things so badly that Jesus has given up on you. He's still there. He's still crazy about you. You can still trust Him. He's ready to carry you through this new year NO MATTER WHAT you think you might have done to fail. In fact, I'll go as far as saying that there isn't a "fail". He can redeem ANYTHING.
See, you and I get a free "do-over" with Jesus.