Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Steps of faith.

So I decided April 22, 2011 to create a Bio and ask for references. That was a big step for me. Having a very difficult time with positive comments about myself (not really sure why), I struggled with asking people to put something down on paper for me to use as references. I made a list of about 15-20 people to ask. I decided ahead of time that if I got something back from just half of them, that would be enough. The devil tried to talk me out of it more than once. First, he used the old line with me. "Who are you to ask people to write down nice things about you. That's pretty boastful isn't it? Scripture talks about being boastful Angie!" Since I had already had the revelation (see last blog) and now had the assurance within that I'm not promoting me but instead the saving power of Jesus...that lie didn't work this time. Then, another dart, "You've already told people about this 'ministry thing' before and you chickened out. What do you think is going to make this time different? They'll never believe you Angie. In fact, I can just see them laughing now." Happy to report: darts extinguished, requests sent out, & obedience felt GREAT! Yes, I was a little anxious but the feeling of accomplishment and excitement out weighed the anxious rumblings. I told myself, give people two weeks before you even begin to think they aren't going to send a reference for you.

The wait began...

Journal entry one after requests sent out: Lord, I want to carry myself with your confidence. Be in me, in my mind, my heart, my spine, and on my tongue. It is through You that I have the confidence to go onward. Boldly.

Entry two: Lord I only want to do what you want. Keep my ear to your mouth. Drown out the voice of the enemy. Send me to the next step. Keep me focused. I want to be obedient. I know obedience unleashes Your power, I'm ready! What at this moment? Pray, study.

Entry three: Just More Jesus--God I know it is time. I feel it is time. I pray you hold me. Prepare me. Grow me. Teach me. Guide me. Love me. Give me wisdom Lord, give me discernment to make decisions. Help me to take each step. Give me eyes and ears that hear only You. Cover me.

Entry four: Lord, I said I'd give people two weeks--now help me stick to that.

Then it occurs to me that maybe God wants me to do my part of the Bio first so that whatever ends up on my Bio won't be copied off of any reference I get. I begin to sense God saying..."You write the Bio Angie, then I'll get you references."

UGH! I didn't want to write a Bio. What is more uncomfortable than asking someone else to write things about you? Try writing them about yourself! It was horribly uncomfortable for me. However, after a few days I decided I needed to write the stinking Bio!!

Entry five: I finished my part of the Bio...even though it took the better part of two days to come up with a couple of paragraphs. As I am literally typing up the finishing part, I get an email containing the first reference! My part done. First reference arrives. Bingo. Now, should I send reminders to the others? Lord guide me. I don't want this to be about me at all!

A few new wrinkles later, I sent reminders and everyone I reminded thanked me for it! How funny that I was stressing about sending them and then they actually thanked me for reminding them in the end. A little over a month after I sent out the requests and here I sit with a nearly completed Bio. I ended up sending 16 requests and 12 of those people responded with eagerness to help!! When will I simply exercise my faith?!

It's funny how God takes us through processes. (Otherwise known as "growth"...)

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