Survival Stories...

Something has been on my mind for some time.  It started as a whisper from God and in His persistence, I'm proceeding here sharing it with you.  I do so with much prayer.

Sexual abuse is a very common but usually incredibly private issue.  Although victims of sexual abuse are not responsible for the abuse there is a huge stigma associated, despite how common the occurrence.  I have had the privilege of hearing many survivors bravely share their stories with me over the last 15 years...some breathing their reality for the first time.  I know that even though these stories are shared with tears, the result is relief.  To give voice to their experience is healing.  Some have shared with me events that dated back 50+ years and the rawness of the emotion was as if it were just yesterday.  As I've looked into their eyes and they speak it seems a window opens up and their souls are visible...and free.  It is a truly beautiful experience for these bold and strong survivors, one I am thankful and blessed to be a part of.

If this sounds all too familiar to you, if you can relate to this at all, if you have a story that needs to find its voice, I want to help.  I will admit that I am not a trained counselor or therapist but I am trying desperately to be obedient to God.  There are people who need to share and God is calling me to listen with love.  I vow to you that I will listen in confidence.  I will listen with compassion.  And I will pray for God's healing in your life.

I understand the delicacy so I encourage you to post anonymously here, private message me through Facebook Messenger (Angie Wainright), or email me at angie.wainright@gmail.

I make this offer with complete sincerity and God's leading.

Much Love...

So, this is what He said to me...

Stop digging through the Bible looking for a lesson to teach.  Dig looking for ME!  Help is there for every imaginable situation.  You will grow as you seek Me and lessons will spring forth from your growth.  Watch out for temptation...it won't be blatant.  It won't be noticeable.  You will need Me to fight, protect, shield, strengthen & encourage you.  My mission for you can't be done in your strength.  You have strength, gifts and talents but they must be carefully wielded by Me--Let me do this.  Stop being so "do" oriented.  Be "surrender" oriented.  Be you with your uniqueness but also you yielded and filled with Me.  You can't live a life that gives glory to God without God.  You need Me for wisdom, strength & love!  Beware of friendship with the world.  My grace is sufficient.  When will people realize My offer is un-matched?  When will you realize what is available for all who believe?  Me and all I bring to the table is yours.  I'm not just salvation.  I'm not just an ever-present help in times of trouble.  Yes, I am those things but I'm also the wisdom you need to make decision, the strength you need to know when NOT to speak and know what to speak when it's time.  I am the grace to offer to those in need and a surplus of love for all you encounter.  After all, it is by that love that others will know you are Mine and likewise then--know Me.  Love is in demand in this world both by those who are aware they need it and by those that are too lost in their circumstances and hurt to be able to identify their problem or seek Me.  They are on the battlefield, in the heat of battle...defeat breathing down their necks.  That is where I am needed--that is where I am!  It is for those souls that I linger.  It is for those souls that I call you.  My spirit within you will draw you to them, teach you what to say and do, and prepare both of you for the encounter when all three of us meet.  Your surrender is necessary.  Your obedience is necessary.  Fix your eyes on Me. 



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I need your help...

I'm just beginning to teach a Bible Study that I am writing myself after I dig through the scriptures and study different resource materials.  It is my FAVORITE past-time.  The name of the study is Fix Your Eyes On Jesus and it is based on Hebrews 12:1-3.  The gist of the study in a very condensed form is that we as Christians can follow the example set before us by faith-filled saints in scriptures and especially by Jesus Himself.  We are to keep our focus fixed on Him and run our God-given race with endurance.

In our first session we talked about our individual "races".  The way we feel as we run that race and the physical, spiritual and emotional toll it takes on us are very real parts of our journey.  In upcoming sessions together we will get to the portion of the above mentioned scripture that refers to growing "weary in our minds".  Let's face it, at differing levels we have all been weary minded--more than once in our lives! 

I say all of that to ask for your input:  We have all been in situations where we were weary.  I know that and you know that.  What we don't always know is the source of that weariness.  Because sometimes we face very private struggles.  We face giants that are kept behind closed doors.  We are up to our eyeballs (or deeper) in a battle that is only complicated by the fact that we can't voice a word of it to anyone due to shame or complications that may result from speaking it into a more tangible reality.

If you felt you could freely discuss your struggles and situations without risk of judgment from others, we might be more tempted to do so.  I know how I personally have felt in times of weariness, but I would love to hear from some of you.  I will toss the following questions out for thought in our next session.  If you would be willing to elaborate on them for me it would help me prepare.  You have the advantage of sharing privately with me where the class obviously will not.

If you would like to answer the following questions for me...you may go to my website at www.justmorejesus.com and use to the "contact me" tab and fill in the "comment" section of the form with your answers.  The form asks for your email and contact information but you can leave it all blank and only use the "comments" section.  An email will be sent to me at my private email address.  Thank you in advance for your participation.


Remember, you have total freedom to be honest because there is no way that I will ever know who you are...I appreciate your willingness to participate.



When your eyes are fixed on Jesus as scripture says, it means that you are to take them off of  
______(your situation)_____ and put them on Jesus.


I want you to think about your situation and finish the sentences below:


With your eyes fixed on _____(your situation)_____ you feel:

If you give voice to your thoughts they would sound like this:

If you could act anyway you want to as a result it would look like this:

Any Additional Comments:





Thank you!!  :)
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The testing of the elasticity of my skin. . .

I went to Victory Baptist Church in St. Mary's to share God's Word with an incredible group of women.  I find myself totally overwhelmed over and over by God's goodness.  I mean, really, can His grace be any more humbling?

It's always interesting to go into different groups and meet so many awesome ladies.  I'm greeted so warmly by them and we do the necessary introductions.  Then, without fail, after we open God's Word and I share what God has given me, a transformation takes place.  As we open our souls to hear from God, something really unique happens.  During that period of time--with our souls exposed--we as a body of women are bound together in a new and special way.  After closing prayers, we beat a path to each other to embrace.  Them to me and me to them.  As a new, united sisterhood of believers, all of our barriers are removed and our hearts are tied together with a pretty bow by God Himself.  I'm floored by it every time.  It causes such emotion to well up in me.  I love them in a completely new way.  We are family now--strangers no more.  Heaven must be much the same way.

I love His Word, I need it.  I love sharing His Word, I have to.  It is fuel for my soul.  I feel as if I could run a marathon and fall in the floor in a pool of tears.  I'm a vessel, emptied out and yet completely filled.  I'm overwhelmed at the work of my Heavenly Father.  Oh my! How I am humbled and privileged to be a part of it.  I cannot contain my praise...else the rocks cry out and my skin bursts.  Oh YES my friends...I praise Him.



 

I Promise, not on my word , but His.

I'm reading a book right now by Francine Rivers.  It's actually a two book series, Her Mother's Hope and Her Daughter's Dream.  I'm on the second one.  Its always so neat to me how God puts things in front of us as we need them...maybe in the form of a book like this, or a sermon, a song, a friend...the list could go on.  God isn't limited in how He can communicate with us.  We could over think and analyze this--Was it really God?  Did I create that in my own head?  Am I making more of this than it really is?  Is this all just by chance?  But we aren't going to waste time with those questions today.  I've got too much running through the ole brain to psychoanalyze a message...especially when there is so much to be gained from the message.

I have had periods of times in my life where I felt I didn't hear from God at all.  Those times are difficult to say the least.  Again, I don't want to get distracted chasing a rabbit that is off the subject at hand so I'm going to try to avoid that (difficult for a wordy person, like myself!).  I've been hearing messages from God everywhere lately.  In CRAZY places.  As odd as it is, I haven't for one second wondered if it was Him or if I was just tying together random events out of some wacko mind set of my own.  All the messages are on the same theme.  They've come in a variety of ways--even lines in a TV show that I wasn't even watching and I "just happened"  to overhear.  I am thrilled to be out of a season of silence and in a season of information overload.  (PS. God, lets stay in this open-communication season!!) It makes blood pump through my veins with excitement.

So, what's the message being nailed home?  Unfortunately I can't put it all into words right now.  Its as if it is too big to be captured in a sentence or two--even in a novel.  I soak in it, bathe in it, relish it, think on it, love it.  The foundation of my desire in ministry is to leave with you a feeling of overwhelming love and acceptance that my friend and savior Jesus Christ continues to give to me.  Without much elaboration, after a lifetime of living a life that left me empty and lacking--even injured, sometimes by my own actions--He LOVED me when I hated myself.  He didn't come to me and list my mistakes or even remind me of them occasionally.  Nope, He just loved me back to health and He hasn't stopped.  I beg Him to allow me to be used to love you that way too.  Knowing all of that, the messages I've been getting lately, combined with my God given mission, made the passage from the book jump off the page at me.

On that note, as I was reading my book I came across a few lines that I knew right away I had to share here.  The excerpt is in a conversation between two women.  One who has a past of poor decisions and she has been completely redeemed by God.  The other woman is in the midst of her heartache.  She is a victim of childhood sexual abuse, she is an alcoholic who has experimented with multiple drugs, she was homeless for years, her brother was killed, and she has been kicked out of her house because she's pregnant out of wedlock.  She feels judged, condemned, guilty & ashamed.  The two women are sitting on the beach and the woman speaking in the quote below has just told the pregnant girl to go write all her sins on the beach, every single one.  She gets a few things written when a wave comes and washes away her words.  She keeps at the task as the waves continue to come one after another, washing away all she writes.  Finally, she finishes.  The quote below is what is said to her next by the woman Jesus is using to love the young, hurting, pregnant girl.    

"Jesus said He came to save us, not condemn us.  He took our sins upon Himself.  He paid the price to set you free.  God is like the waves, honey.  He washes away your sins.  He offers you the free gift of grace, the added bonus of the Holy Spirit dwelling in you, and eternal life as well.  You have decisions to make, but the biggest one is what you're going to believe about Him.  Ask Him in, and He'll take care of the rest."

In the end, it isn't what all we've done wrong...its about what He has done for us.  The gift of grace.  It's not a question of worthiness, that would bring your actions back into focus instead of putting the focus where it should be, on Jesus. 

Jesus came to save you, not condemn you.  Ask Him in, and He'll take care of everything else.  Believe Him.  He is able, no matter what's on your list of wrongs.  Promise, not on my word, but His. 

Secrets need grace and love.

I've had the opportunity lately to be around some beautiful souls who are dealing very quietly with a variety of struggles.  It hurts me to see that and I feel nearly compelled to nurture them.  I wish we as a society felt more comfortable with living our struggles out loud.  Yet, we who struggle risk harsh judgement and we feel we'd be crazy to share one whisper of our secrets and private battles.  What we are choosing instead is to hurt alone and in seclusion.  Slap that pretty face on.  Grin and bear it.  Hold it all together.  Keep the hurt or shame or pain right behind the teeth of that pretty smile.

Misery.  Played very well, right into the hands of our enemy.  (I do not like him.)  He'd not be any more effective at crippling people if he walked right up in our homes breaking legs and binding bodies. He loves secrets.  He loves hurts.  He loves false fronts.  He loves seclusion.  If you have a secret...and nearly ALL of us do...before you know it, the enemy will have that secret in his hands and beat you with it like it's a baseball bat.


What are we to do?  Air our dirty laundry to everyone?  Breathe a sigh of relief.  That's not necessary.  But you do need to be taking it to God every single second that it rolls through your head.  If you are not sitting it at the feet of God, odds are, the enemy has a hold of it and he is tireless as he beats you down and ties you up.       


Just a few lies the enemy may be telling you about your secret:

• You should really be ashamed.  
• People will never understand how you did that.
• Sure other people do bad things, but not that bad.
• You've already done it now, you might as well enjoy it while it lasts.
• You deserve it!
• Everyone around you does things they shouldn't, why don't you get to enjoy it too.
• As long as no one knows, it's okay.
• You are the only one who stands to be hurt so what does it matter to anyone else?
• They deserve the way you treat them.
• Don't be such a bother, no one cares what you feel like.
• One more time can't hurt.
• You need to look out for your self, if someone gets hurt, too bad.
• You are in too deep, there is no turning around now.
• If you were smarter, nicer, or prettier--they wouldn't have treated you like that.

BIGGER   FATTER   DANGEROUS   LIE:

• The fact that you are where you are is your own fault.  No need to even try to take this to God!  How many times can He forgive you, pick you up, help you out?  You aren't good enough to even ask for His help.  It's too late.  No way He can love you now.  (LIE.  LIE.  LIE.  Jesus died for you knowing you were a big fat mess without Him.  He did it to show you His love for you. Romans 5:8)    

Whatever situation you find yourself silently dealing with....it can be powerfully destructive.  It can be bigger than you.  It can be huge.  It may look to you like there is no solution and no way out.  BUT...it CANNOT be bigger than God.  You don't have the one problem that is going to be too difficult for Him.  Listen to this little tid-bit...pretty important part here:  Nothing can separate us from the love God has for us.  NOTHING!  (Romans 8:37-39)  His love is pure.  His love is safe.  His love will not fail you. (1 Corinthians 13:1-8)  You can trust Him.

Get to it...go tell God your secrets.  Don't wait another single second because telling Him keeps Satan from being able to use them to hurt you more.  Sometimes Satan will convince you to start worrying about that secret again and at that point...remind him that Jesus has all your secrets.  While Jesus has them, they are His to deal with!  You may have to remind Satan frequently at first...but as fast as your mouth can move, you can do it...again and again!

As we live day to day, we have to realize that everyone has junk.  Everyone.  Try really hard to extend some grace to someone today.  If someone chews your head off down to your shoulders, maybe they've had a bad day and could stand a grace pass.  Stay away from assumptions.  Don't jump to conclusions.  You never know what's going on behind closed doors.  Instead, try to ask how people are, then stop and listen to their answer.  Smile at someone.  Pass out some hugs.  Give away some grace passes.  They don't cost you anything and you never know what it might mean to someone else. 

Grace of Christ

I read the following in a commentary when preparing for a lesson.  It really resonated with me and I've re-read it often.  I wanted to share it here for any others of you who may especially appreciate the grace of Christ.  His grace not only covers our trespasses but also our shortcomings in fully understanding who He is.  This author described it more beautifully than I could have described my own feelings.  You may have to read it more than once to fully soak it in...I did...and do.  Enjoy...

The only God Paul had known was a "task mater who paid strictly for service done".  His idea of God was the seat of his trouble.  With a soul profoundly religious by nature, he yearned for a god whom no lawbook could provide...He never found his sense of worth, dignity & adequacy until he experienced the grace of Christ.  The assurance of the psalmist, "He restoreth my soul" was fulfilled for Paul only in Jesus.  Grace therefore brought health, gladness, courage, & worth-wileness to Paul.  It also brought him into proper mental focus & fellowship with the God he had so misunderstood.  He found that grace, not law, revealed God's real nature.

Yippy

Oh my coolness!

I have never professed to be a techie/computer guru or anything of the like.  I am slow to learn some things sometimes.  I have figured out how to help others share this blog.  Now, under each post there are new share options.

Learning, always learning.  :)

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Just say it.

I've had more than one experience in the past 48 hours where I've come face to face with emotions.  Emotions of my children, emotions of my own & emotions of friends.  I'm a very emotional person.  I love people.  I love to love on people.  I. Just. Love. People.  I've learned a lot about emotions in the last few years and I've learned it the hard way.  I've learned that every body has them.  I've learned that my angry won't look like your angry and my sad won't look like your sad.  My hurt might cry...your hurt might fight--but it's all still hurt, it's all still saddness, and it's all still anger.

Along with this heart that craves to love on people, my ears have been sensitized to hear people differently.  I don't know when it happened but at some point when I'd visit with people I wouldn't just hear the details of what they were saying, I'd hear the emotion driving their perceptions of those details.  Was that confusing?  What I mean is, when someone would share with me how they were angry with someone and about a disagreement they may have had.  I wouldn't just hear the words they repeated to me from the disagreement.  I'd hear how they FELT when they heard whatever words had been spoken to them.  There is a difference.  Because you see, whatever we feel when someone says something to us has a HUGE impact & determines what comes out of our mouths next.

What is my hearts desire?  Well, each time I've been slapped in the face with these emotions in the last 2-3 days, I keep coming back to the same point.  If we can be present enough in the midst of the situation when we are offended to say to ourselves, Wow, that comment really hurt me.  I can't believe they just said that to me.  And then be able to hold our tongues for just a second while we collect our next sentence so that when it is spoken it sounds something like, That comment you just made hurt me.  After all, didn't it?  I mean, that is what we felt, right?  It is the emotion that's behind the comment that usually comes out of our mouths sounding more like Well, you know what?!  I don't like the way you never pick up your dirty clothes!!  Ok, so what do their clothes have to do with anything?  I'll tell you.  Their lack of picking up their clothes is two things:  1) Us thinking of something to complain about--something they do wrong and maybe even hurt them back, and 2) an attempt to defend our hearts. 

So, did we solve anything?  Nope.  Why didn't we just say it?  Why?  Because, it's risky.  It's vulnerable.

I'll take this opportunity to throw myself under the bus.  I've got this bucket of hurt and bitterness I lug around.  This is a busy bucket because I'm constantly letting God hold my bucket for a while and then inevitably, going and getting it back again.  After wearing myself out (cause its a heavy bucket) I take it back to Him.  Again.  Recently, someone came to me and shared with me a really positive thing about someone who, in the past, has been very hurtful to me and yes, it's in my bucket still.  My immediate, unfiltered and defensive response?  I'm done with them, I don't really care.  (Yes, I know, beautiful, right?!)  After a few hours, I had to return to the person who shared the positive news with me and appolgize to them.  You see, the person who shared the news with me has never been hurt by the other.  Actually, the person that shared the positive news with me shared it because they were happy for their friend.  The person that shared with me, loves both of us.  So, what did I manage to do--create another offense.  I did apologize for my nasty comment,  which (thankfully) was warmly received.  

I am not naive enough to think that just saying it will create world peace.  I'm well aware that additional injury may occur to our hearts.  This too was just modeled when two people who love each other and whom I love dearly stood on opposite sides of an offense.  After the incident, after emotions were cooled off, one party said to the other, "That hurt my feelings earlier when you ___________."  However, unfortunately, the other person didn't really hear and listen.  The first words returned were, "Well, you shouldn't have ___________."  (Oh no!  Adding insult to injury.)  The lesson to be learned here--sometimes our defenses (if we feel we MUST share them) should either be shared with a third party (oooo, maybe even God) -or- carefully worded in a way that doesn't end up leaving an already injured person, feeling attacked again.

If there's such a chance of further injury, if sharing honest emotions could possibly lead to more hurt then why do it?  Because more times than not it calms the water.  AND, in the end, a deeper relationship is created.  If we'll just say it--just man up and put it out there--we end up dealing with truth.  We end up taking off the masks we wear.  We end up building real relationships.  We end up growing as a person (no, not physically).  Best of all, we end up able to show more love and in return, get more love.  Who doesn't like love?   

If we can start to just say it on the smaller, safer issues we'll get practice.  We will see how it dissolves arguments and allows others to see the real person we are.  There are still going to be offenses.  There will still be times when we risk telling the real emotion of our hearts to someone and they throw yet another insult or further defend their previous attack.  When that happens, the very best thing to do is turn around, hold your breath, and tell Jesus.  I know it's not the easiest thing to do or more people would do it.  It's much easier to hurl an insult or sling an attack. 

We aren't taking the wimpy way out, we are taking the way to our Savior's lap.  Now that, THAT is an awesome place to be! 

I challenge you mate, try it.


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Control or Me?

So as I'm doing my journal writing over the weekend and expelling my newest list of complaints, concerns and questions, God spoke the following to me.  Maybe there is at least one other person who struggles with control issues... 

Let go of what you are used to.  Let Me work through you.  Be open to a different way.  You do have My power within you but you aren't completely trusting me.  You still want to make Me fit into a mold.  That's not Me.  That's you.  Your fingerprints are all over that.  "Same" is comfortable to you.  Trust...um, not so much.  I want to work in you but uncomfortable is where I do my work.  When you find yourself in uncomfortable, you look outside yourself for safety, protection & guidance.  If I am the person you look to, I give you what is necessary for the task.  I give you the tools you need, the grace to deal with the circumstances & I bathe you in peace.  That's a bath you want.  You associate misery, frustration & anxiety with uncomfortable.  None of those words describe Me.  Where in you are you so hung up on holding onto control?  Search within yourself, find out where, then together we'll go there and start loosening the white knuckle grip you have on it.  Uncomfortable is a place of learning.  I can mold you there.  I can re-write some false messages that have been carved on your heart.  I can nurture you.  What stands in the way of a deeper and more open, honest relationship with Me?  You.  Your insistence on control.  Your fear to trust.  You have been living for years by false messages.  When you are removed from the grip of those false message, that's growth.  That's freedom.  The tighter you hold on to control in any area, the more blinded you are to see Me, to know Me, to learn my nature, and to feel my love.  My love is like none other.  You don't even have vocabulary to describe its fullness and completeness.  I don't hurt.  I'm good.  I'm safe.  I'll keep pounding this same message on your heart until you let go.  "Uncomfortable" is only uncomfortable leading up to the release.  Once you release it all to Me, you open the channel for My grace, love and peace to flow into that sacred spot you work so hard to protect.  Your fears choke My power out of your life.  Trust isn't a bad word.  I know every single thing that has tightened your grip.  As long as you have it, I can't heal it.  You just think that control feels good.  Control isn't living.  Control isn't freedom.  You have no idea what that controlled place will feel like when its replaced with My peace.  Its your choice.  I must have access to all of you.  What will it be?  What do you really want?  Control or Me?

Be open to "uncomfortable", it's the road to Me.

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This again was a time when God spoke to me through my pencil.  I shared it here as I received it.  I pray someone else is touched by His messages to me and I hope too that you are helped in an area where I continue to struggle--control.  Ugh...it's a tough one for me.  It's a message He keeps repeating to me.  Thanks for allowing me to share.

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www.justmorejesus.com

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Dear Circumstances: Move.

Get out of my way circumstances.  You are attempting to block my view of my Savior.  Umm, not something I'm willing to let happen.  Sure, you might get away with it for a while, but I refuse to live with blocked vision. 

How many times do I utter the words, "Ugh, I just don't know what to do!"  Usually while I'm either running my fingers through my hair, crying my eyeballs out, pacing the floor or all three.  Has it ever occurred to you that we--me and you--make living this life too difficult? 

Have you ever found yourself wishing someone would just sweep in and take up the fight for you?  How about take up the fight and let you rest, fill you with peace, heal you, and love you while they fight for you?  Have you ever felt overwhelmed and wondered how much longer you can keep it all up?  I have.  For a very simple example (Even though it sure didn't feel simple at the time!!), I remember when all of my three girls were small and I was dropping them off at daycare before going to work when I ran into my brother.  He was bringing his children to the same daycare.  He walked over to one of my little ones and picked her up which gave him a good view of a few fingernails that needed a little trimming.  Okay, maybe they needed a little more than trimming, maybe they needed cutting, like last month.  Now, as I'm sure you can relate, I was juggling three balls at one time and if I even thought about resting, one of the balls threatened to fall in the floor and then everything would come crashing down.  I was, like many of you, a wife and mother & I worked full time.  In my juggling act, I was just releasing one ball milli-seconds before I had to catch the next.  The picture I am trying to draw is--soon and very soon it was all going to crash down around me.  I was overwhelmed. 

So, my brother has my little girl and he (not meaning any harm) says, "Does your uncle need to cut your fingernails for your mama so you won't scratch anybody?"  Yep, that was the straw.  Without intending to hurt me, he had called me out and drawn attention to something I was failing to do in front of all the super-mama's & daddy's,  all the employees of the day care & (the very worst critic of all) me!  What he might as well have said was, "Oh my goodness!  Look at these horrible fingernails!  Your mama needs to get with it.  Can't she do anything right?  Have your nails ever been cut?!  Bless your little, neglected heart.  I'm a perfect daddy and I am the best fingernail cutter, ever.  I'll take care of you sweet baby, since your mama obviously can't." 

Yes, I know.  Drastic exaggeration.  But that's what my heart did to me that day.  I was so tired.  Today I don't deal with cutting fingernails anymore but I still have "stuff".  There are always going to be things in our lives.  Sometimes they are little things, like fingernails.  Other times, they are things that sneak up behind us and obliterate us like a bomb, drastically altering life as we know it.  Without fail, we struggle to get our footing.  We trip over hurt and confusion.  We stumble over worry and fear.  We hold on desperately to control and pride.  We look for possible solutions here and there.  We may even stop and try to re-focus but circumstances fill our eyes and feelings scream in our ears.

Maybe you say, don't my feelings matter?  They are real!  And what about those circumstances, they are pretty stinkin' real too!  Yes, you are right.  Your circumstances are real and your feelings ABSOLUTELY matter.  Not just to me, but even more importantly, to your Savior.  It would be really easy to think Here she is talking about stupid fingernails but my circumstances make fingernails look like a play-doh.  I know right where your coming from.  You've got one of those "bomb-type" of situations and your desperate.  Good news:  the same truths apply to both big and small circumstances.  As long as you are focusing on them, you can't see Jesus.  Peter walked on water toward Jesus, until he looked at the wind & waves. (Matt 14:28-31)  You might have one heck of a battle in front of you.  You may even be sitting right smack-dab in the center of one right now.  You may be at a crossroads with the direction of your life.  You might have some things that seem to have no solution.  You know what?  That isn't your fight.  It isn't your fight!  For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us.  (2 Chron 20:12)   So, is that it, do you just face eminent defeat?  Oh but no!  Because scripture goes on to say, We do not know what to do, BUT our eyes are upon You!  Verse 15 of the same chapter says, This is what the Lord says to you:  Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army (or your circumstances).  For the battle is not yours, but God's.  AMEN! (and thank goodness, right?!)

Are you tired?  Are you overwhelmed?  Are your circumstances hurting you?  Are they clouding your outlook?  God Almighty is the only answer. Exodus 14:14 says He will fight for YOU, sweet & dearly loved child, and you shall keep your peace.  He is with us right now.  He helps us.  He fights for us.  (2 Chron 32:8) 

Let's not try to do this living thing on our own.  Let's not try to make it so difficult.  That's why we have a Savior!  Let's take our eyes off the wind & waves and put them back on Him. 

Dear Circumstances, move.


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Ramblings...

Hi Friends of mine!!  I hope you all are doing just g-r-e-a-t (Tony the tiger style).  I'm really working on new ideas for Just More Jesus.  I'm thinking of ways to get the word spread.  I'm praying about it constantly and I have full confidence that God will make a way.  YOU may be a part of that so run your mouth.  Tell anyone and everyone you know.  In my efforts to spread the word, I made these videos (out of the box living for me!!) and I've gotten some really nice comments about the first video so I figured, why not make another one issuing a public "Thank You"--Which you may see below:  (If you happen to have seen the "Thank You" video on YouTube, this is the same video here.  I've only done two so far.  I've posted both on YouTube and both here.)

Isn't it funny that I managed to talk for two more minutes after I said I'm not gonna keep you any longer.  Sorry!!

On another note, I also should probably explain that even though that particular Sunday School class flopped, I have been very fortunate to lead other Sunday School classes and Bible Studies.  I am very grateful for those opportunities and for the sweet, dependable people who were faithful to show up for each meeting.  I am appreciative of their efforts.  I can love to teach and share God's Word but I've gotta have people willing to listen or otherwise I'm like a little girl playing school with her dolls.  So, those of you who have been nice enough to attend the classes and studies--I'm forever grateful.  If I'm going to tell a (not so positive) experience I had, I need to be willing to share a positive one.  Just so happens I actually have one (smile, wink, wink).  Right after I tried to start that class that I refer to in the video, I began, also through the church, a six week Bible study that I was inspired to write.  The first night we were to meet you can know I was very nervous.  Let's not forget that I had just had the multiple no-show experiences.  Now, please don't misunderstand me here.  I know that it isn't about numbers.  The number of people present in no way determines how the Holy Spirit shows up and works.  However, for a girl who had just come off of a rather humiliating experience with the Sunday School class, God decided to baby me a little.  We had so many people show up that we had to move to a larger room and bring in extra chairs.  Wow, how humbling.  Don't think God can't do things for you.  He can!  He does!  He's teaching us when we think we're just "living" day to day.  The lessons are there, the questions is, am I looking and listening.

In this life we are living, it's very easy to get so busy that we don't notice anything other than how behind we are at work, how tired we are, what a mess our houses are, what bills are overdue, who has a doctor's appointment & what on earth everyone in my house is going to eat tonight...BUT, I am challenging myself & you too this upcoming week.  Step outside your box.  Find a friend to say hi to that you haven't spoken to in a while, check on a neighbor, call a family member you don't speak with regularly, send a real letter to someone in the real mail (I love to get real mail instead of just bills, don't you?!), do something out of your ordinary rat race to connect with a person.  It only takes a few minutes and you have no idea the impact your few minutes may have on their life.  If we aren't careful (me included) we can get so comfy in our own lives that we cease our outside of the box involvement.  When you start getting yourself alone in your own world, you are in dangerous territory.  You become easy prey for Satan to start selling you lies.  I know this one.  Perhaps you sit on the end where you need someone to reach out to you.  If you feel that way and you realize it--please REACH OUT.  I know its hard.  I've been there (recently).  I guarantee you whatever contact you have will begin to turn your perspective.  If you can't muster up the courage to do anything else, you can go to my website www.justmorejesus.com and use the "contact me" tab to send me an email.  I will get back to you.  Promise.  God doesn't want us to be alone.  He intends for us to fellowship with each other, encourage each other, cry with each other, laugh with each other--just build relationships.  They are the ONLY thing we get to take with us into eternity. 

PS------->   I love you--but more importantly--your Savior loves you.

Obedient Steps = Hard Steps

I spent the day trying to prepare a couple of videos yesterday and boy was that weird...oh, and hard...and awkward, and uncomfortable...wait, did I say hard?...oh yes, and difficult, embarrassing AND hilarious!  I wish now I hadn't deleted all the attempts I made because they could make a great outtakes reel.  I'm really going to save those "attempts" next time so that when I have a friend who is kinda in a blue mood--the outtake reel is on the way to turn the frown upside down.


I've created a YouTube channel (with the following video) and have even considered trying some video blogs??  Stay tuned.

Nice still, right?


I've got a few ideas buzzing in my head and am spending a great deal of time praying about it.  As soon as I can, I'll be sharing them with you...and maybe even calling you up to help! :) 

You know, every single thing we experience, feel, hear, go through, do, live around, hear about...everything, is part of a bigger plan and picture.  Nothing at all is by accident.  Try to remember as your walking through your busy days that there is a bigger picture here and if we aren't careful, the activities of today, yesterday & tomorrow will steal our focus from God.  I know it happens to me.  (Not sure where that came from, rather random, I admit.)

Please, pretty please, keep praying for me and Just More Jesus.  I'm up-beat some days and then again, some days I'm ready to throw in the towel.  I don't have any logical explanation for some of the things I am doing and thinking about doing--but I do know that pressure from the Holy Spirit only  increases when you hesitate on a directive.  So, I keep stepping...and it's always out there in that daunting, uncomfortable zone.  Some steps, the pressure really has to be turned up before I pick up my foot!  Whew!  However, what do I have to lose?  Right?

He is ABLE---Period!

Do you believe that I am able to do this? (Matt 9:28)...Well, do you?  Do you believe that I can handle everything for you?  Even the things you've made a dreadful mess of?  Do you believe I can work within you to make you complete, content, peaceful & fulfilled?  Do you believe that I can make your soul brand new by working from your heart out?  Do you believe that your children are safe with Me?  Do you trust Me?  I am safe.  Do you believe that I can satisfy all your needs?  Do you believe that I know EVERYTHING there is to know about you and yet I still love you?  Do you really, really believe that?  Do you know it in your heart?  I love you child.  Did you hear me?  I said, I love you...dearly, completely, just as you are.  Do you believe that I can work through you?  Do you believe that I care about you?  Do you believe that I can take care of you & those you love?  Do you believe that those issues that weigh heavy on your heart...I know about them and I've got it.  Do you believe what My Word says?  Do you believe that I AM GOD?  According to your faith, it will be done to you.  (Matt 9:29)  Yes, your belief in Me has that much power.  More power than you can even know as long as you've got your fingernails cinching deep in every aspect of your life...frantically trying to work it all out.  What are you so afraid of?  There is no fear in love.  My perfect love drives out fear.  Will you just trust Me child?  Will you stop struggling & start believing Me ABLE?



-He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him because He always lives to intercede for them.  Heb 7:25

-Yet I am not ashamed because I know whom I have believed & am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.  2 Tim 1:12

-To Him who is able to keep you from falling & to present you before His glorious presence without fault & with great joy.  Jude 24


Thank you for allowing me to write this from God's perspective...I want to share with you as He says it to me.  Please know that I have taken this all to Him in prayer before posting.



__________________________________________



Called & commissioned by God to serve Him through this ministry, I would be honored to come to speak to your group or church. I love to learn more about Jesus and His love and then share His Word with others.

Contact me:

Website www.justmorejesus.com and use the "contact me" tab.
Email me directly at: angie@justmorejesus.com
Facebook page: Just More Jesus
Mailing address: PO Box 1372, Brunswick, GA 31521

I look forward to hearing from you!! 

Sitting in Silence

For a person who always runs her mouth, sitting before God in silence isn't the easiest thing I've ever done but it is what He's asking for me at this time.  I'm getting phrases from Him and with each Word I'm growing.  It's pretty incredible and humbling to be before Him and just wait in His presence, listening.  He is the air I breathe.  He is God Almighty. 

Inspired Inspiration...

Over the years journaling has become a safe place for me to physically write out my hurt, frustration, whining, confusion, praise, joy, & flat out raw anger. My prayer concerns and thanksgivings also find their way to the page. I ask God questions. I thank Him. I praise Him. I complain (probably more than I'm willing to admit) and I just let it pour right on out on the paper--no matter what it is. The good, the bad and the ugly. As a thought comes to my mind, right on the paper it falls.

One particular day I was busy at it and something different happened. Instead of my writing being thoughts that were originating in my head it was like I was hearing them. I began to put them down as they came to me and it was as if I was taking down dictation. I wrote as quickly as I could. Several minutes later, it stopped. Done. Silence. I haven't ever had an experience like that before and I haven't had one since. Even though it was only a few months back...I'd give anything to "hear" again--to hear like that every minute of every day.

Last week I began to think that I needed to share it here with you here. I do so with a certain amount of hesitation because it was such an unusual event. Lots of times when you share special things like this--no one else seems to "get it" the way you felt it. However, as is the case when God is leading me to do something. I have the thought. I almost always initially dismiss it because it is usually something I don't want to do right away. When I finally have the same thought over and over and nothing new comes to me I decide God's waiting on me to realize that I need to obey Him on that "step" before He gives me the next step to take.

So, maybe there is something in what follows that will encourage you in your journey. Yours isn't going to be what mine is, nor mine what yours is--but, you DO have a God given journey ahead. As you take steps of faith, as you walk in obedience, as you prepare...know this:

Persecution will come. Be ready for it. Recognize it for what it is--persecution. Proceed as though it did not happen. Check yourself against the Word. That is the only voice you should pay attention to. You may be surprised at the mouths from which persecution comes. Fear not. Proceed. Sit your heart in My hands to be guarded. Keep your emotions in check. Attacks will be directed at your weaknesses but your weaknesses are MY strengths. This is MY mission. My goals. Mine to defend. It is not your job to defend against attacks. The battle goes on even now over your head. I am fighting for you now. You will get Satan's attention. Be bold. Don't be deterred. Proceed as if you are running a race to a clearly marked finish line and as if you children's lives are at stake. This is no game. Souls linger in the balance. Your obedience to deliver messages from me will be crucial for the outcome of some soul's eternity. Don't give up. They are all around you--lost souls--blending into your life. Lost is a little word to describe the destiny of those souls. It is vital that you go--without fear. Bold. It won't be easy so you have been prepared. Expect difficulty. Be diligent to pray. Get others to pray for you, with you. My mission is more important that the oxygen you breathe. You don't go alone. God and a host of angels go with you. You aren't fighting for Me, I am fighting for you. Take My Word. It is imperative. It is time. There is no luxury here--only see the souls. There are real flames for lost souls. An eternity of mental and physical anguish awaits. That is why I call it saved. I am saving them from torment. Eternal torment. Your heart has been softened and prepared every day of your life--just for this. What you all think is important in life amounts to nothing. I see Kingdom pictures--you don't. Give them the vision. Kingdom knowledge. Kingdom vision. Kingdom senses. Be ready to feel the burden of the lost souls you are surrounded by. You will know the reason and feeling behind the tears that were shed over Jerusalem before the crucifixion. This isn't pretend or play. Don't forget, I am sending you. Stop questioning worthiness. You aren't worthy in your flesh but I have made you my child and your soul is paid for. It is not a question of worthiness. It is a question of necessity brought on by the immense love I feel for all my people. Why question worthiness? If your worthiness got you this mission then it'd be about you and not me. I love you. I love them. Do you understand love? No. You have no means by which to compare it or comprehend it--but you will. Hold on to ME. Go. I have equipped you. I DO see what lies ahead and I have all the necessary items. Weep over the lost. I want you to feel the necessity of the deliverance of my message. You haven't known "important" before now. Mission-minded. My Kingdom awaits. Listen to me child. I love you. I didn't make a mistake in choosing you for this. Don't forget that. Stay close to Me at all times. Keep refueling on My written Word. Focus on Me. Focus on lost-ness. Stay in Me. I've got this. I've got you. Go. Remember, you aren't going alone. Armies--do you hear me--full out armies go with you, ahead of you, around you, behind you--and your family. It won't be easy--but I've got it all. You are ready. I've got this.

I typed it as it was given and I know it kinda flips and flops around...but, they aren't my words to arrange. I won't try to add anything to that. Even a couple months later it is equally as powerful to me as it was that morning. It's as if He let me write down a pep-talk He had for me. After I finished writing it all down, I knew--somehow--that He wanted someone to read that back to me. I walked it right over to Abby and had her read it out loud to me. I've typed it up and I carry it around with me everywhere. I hope you too are somehow encouraged or awakened by this "inspired inspiration"...


______________________________________
Called & commissioned by God to serve Him through this ministry, I would be honored to come to speak to your group or church. I love to learn more about Jesus and His love and then share His Word with others.

Contact me:

Website www.justmorejesus.com and use the "contact me" tab.
Email me directly at: angie@justmorejesus.com
Facebook page: Just More Jesus
Mailing address: PO Box 1372, Brunswick, GA 31521

I look forward to hearing from you!!

Ok. I get it. I just don't like it.

Somehow I can easily remember all my hurts. In fact, somewhere deep inside me, there is probably a clip board with a neat list detailing each hurt and its corresponding offender. Some bigger, some smaller, each with its own scar. Some are confronted, settled, talked through, apologized for & forgiven. Some, not discussed, never apologized for, but mysteriously, through a work done in me by God, they too are completely forgiven. Then, there are those, not breathed about. Not spoken. Not admitted. Certainly never apologized for. Sure, they find themselves in prayers, in silent conversations with God...but only as a fleeting thought. Once in a while, for various reasons, the container that's been subduing the monster opens and a wild flush of brand new pain sweeps through me. Immediately, all over again, Hurt is out and wreaking havoc. Its fresh. I can feel it, smell it, & remember with unrelenting clarity. I'm able to wrestle Hurt back in his container and seal the lid. Whew! That's done...for a time.

What's that I feel now? It's kinda sour tasting. I feel kinda yucky. I might be a little bit angry. No, I'm a lot angry. I'm uncomfortable. I'm tired. I feel heavy. I might be stuck. If I didn't know better, I'd think I had concrete strapped to me. What did you just say to me? Don't push me because I am exhausted. I'm not sure why...but even still...don't you even breathe wrong. Watch your step because I can get down right vicious. Just try me.

Who is that whispering? God, is that YOU? What did you just say? Did I just hear the word "Forgive"? What are you bringing that up for? Oh, that. Yes God, she and I talked that through, she apologized to me and I gladly forgave her. Don't you remember when we did that? Or are you talking about that other thing. Well, you'll be pleased to know I managed to forgive that too. Look at me...I'm a forgiving machine. You are still whispering God, what is it that I'm missing? Oh stop. Surely you don't mean THAT! I mean, really God?! We hardly ever even talk about that. How did you even remember? I don't even like to bring it up. There is absolutely nothing good about even going there. Hurt lives there God, you know that. Why must we go knocking on his door and wake him up? Ugh! Don't you love me God? Why would you ask me to do go there when you know I don't like Hurt. You know how much I avoid him. It took me a long time to even make it through a day without being dominated by Him and yet you ask me to go see Him again? Besides, I've got that taken care of. Hurt is neatly hidden away. I never breathe a word of it to anyone else. Its done. Its easier if we just move on.

Oh wait, while I've got your ear God, I have been feeling kinda yucky. Maybe I'm working too hard. Maybe it's my age. But I am so tired. I feel rotten. Could you help me out with that? Give me some strength maybe? What did you say? Forgive? God, really now, you're kinda getting hung up on this "forgive" thing...geez! Can we not just talk about how I'm feeling and how I'm needing your help here...UNLESS... No. Surely not. This has to be a bad joke. You mean to tell me that keeping Hurt in that container all this time is draining me of energy? I'm tired because of Hurt?

Ok, I think I get it and I don't think I like it. Keeping Hurt hidden and contained, which I thought was just survival, you call unforgiveness? Well, what about MY feelings, God? After all, this is Hurt we are talking about. He didn't get his name because he drew it out of a hat. I've got some deep wounds here God. They still feel the same actually, no better, even after all this time. I clearly know that Your Word says you care about me and making me release Hurt from his container isn't something you do to someone you love. God, this isn't fun. What about my heart? I can't do this! Do what? Trust You? Hmmm, this won't be easy. But I am tired, this is heavy, and...You are God. I can do all things through You who gives me strength. Even things I clearly don't want to do!

I'm so glad I have you God. I'm so glad you care so much about my feelings. I'm grateful that you urge me to trust You enough to open that container. Let Hurt out. You assure me that you are going to heal my wounded heart caused by Hurt. You are going to heal me and since I finally quit fighting that container, you can take care of that festering bitterness that has slowly been oozing out and poisoning me. That's what I've been tasting...I knew it was sour. You are going to nurse me back to health while I put my faith in action and allow you to do two jobs at once...heal me and love through me...even those I deem unlovely. Let's be real. After all, I am, without a doubt, someone's unlovely.

I've always felt unforgiveness meant my feelings didn't matter, the wrong committed didn't matter, and I just needed to follow God's commands (drill sergeant style) and just put my hurt away. Be tough. Stand tall. Get over it! Then, I think, how much does that sound like a heavenly father who is "compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love, faithful, maintaining love to thousands, forgiving wickedness, rebellion, sin & punishing the guilty." (Ex 34:6) Seems I wasn't fully understanding of this "forgiveness" thing. Its really not mine to do...God does it through me. My job: Surrender it to a trustworthy, loving, mighty God.

I have to re-learn this lesson on unforgiveness just about every time I realize I've got another hurt stuffed in a container. The pain is so real. The anger so justifiable. The lie we believe is that if I let God heal my hurt then the "offender" did nothing wrong. That convincing lie keeps us fighting a hurt a long time. We have to know God is a just God. More than anything He loves us and when we hurt, He hurts. Surrendering and forgiving isn't giving your stamp of approval to all those wrongs that hurt you, but it is giving God access to your heart to heal you and love you with safe, unfailing love.

____________________________________________
Called & commissioned by God to serve Him through this ministry, I would be honored to come to speak to your group or church. I love to learn more about Jesus and His love and then share His Word with others.

Contact me:

Website www.justmorejesus.com and use the "contact me" tab.
Email me directly at: angie@justmorejesus.com
Facebook page: Just More Jesus
Mailing address: PO Box 1372, Brunswick, GA 31521

I look forward to hearing from you!!

...and now I just wait to see.

Faith. Scripture says it's being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see. (Hebrews 11:1) Well, let's see...I've "hoped" for years to share a loving Savior with hurting people and I have "not seen" how that could ever be possible. As you already know...I thought, hmmm...why not just try to start taking Him at His word??

Not sure why I was thinking that was going to be sooooo hard? I finished the Bio's with the help of several friends who were kind enough to send me amazing references. I've already mailed out the first "printing" (which I use VERY loosely because I sent the first ones out to churches of friends). Now, I've made a second "printing" and I am sending them to as many area churches as I can get the addresses. I'll gladly send one to any church anywhere. I just need the address. If you'd like one sent to your church just get me the necessary information. I'd be delighted! I've wondered if my mailman knows that he's in active missions?? :)

You can email me at angie@justmorejesus.com if you'd like information sent to your church or group. By the way...if you have any other comments, concerns, or questions for me--feel free to use the same email address.

We (that would be God and me) are actually doing this thing! I'll keep mailing out Bio's and making contacts until He says stop. We'll see what He has planned. I'm excited. I know the time is now. I know the message is His.

Steps of faith.

So I decided April 22, 2011 to create a Bio and ask for references. That was a big step for me. Having a very difficult time with positive comments about myself (not really sure why), I struggled with asking people to put something down on paper for me to use as references. I made a list of about 15-20 people to ask. I decided ahead of time that if I got something back from just half of them, that would be enough. The devil tried to talk me out of it more than once. First, he used the old line with me. "Who are you to ask people to write down nice things about you. That's pretty boastful isn't it? Scripture talks about being boastful Angie!" Since I had already had the revelation (see last blog) and now had the assurance within that I'm not promoting me but instead the saving power of Jesus...that lie didn't work this time. Then, another dart, "You've already told people about this 'ministry thing' before and you chickened out. What do you think is going to make this time different? They'll never believe you Angie. In fact, I can just see them laughing now." Happy to report: darts extinguished, requests sent out, & obedience felt GREAT! Yes, I was a little anxious but the feeling of accomplishment and excitement out weighed the anxious rumblings. I told myself, give people two weeks before you even begin to think they aren't going to send a reference for you.

The wait began...

Journal entry one after requests sent out: Lord, I want to carry myself with your confidence. Be in me, in my mind, my heart, my spine, and on my tongue. It is through You that I have the confidence to go onward. Boldly.

Entry two: Lord I only want to do what you want. Keep my ear to your mouth. Drown out the voice of the enemy. Send me to the next step. Keep me focused. I want to be obedient. I know obedience unleashes Your power, I'm ready! What at this moment? Pray, study.

Entry three: Just More Jesus--God I know it is time. I feel it is time. I pray you hold me. Prepare me. Grow me. Teach me. Guide me. Love me. Give me wisdom Lord, give me discernment to make decisions. Help me to take each step. Give me eyes and ears that hear only You. Cover me.

Entry four: Lord, I said I'd give people two weeks--now help me stick to that.

Then it occurs to me that maybe God wants me to do my part of the Bio first so that whatever ends up on my Bio won't be copied off of any reference I get. I begin to sense God saying..."You write the Bio Angie, then I'll get you references."

UGH! I didn't want to write a Bio. What is more uncomfortable than asking someone else to write things about you? Try writing them about yourself! It was horribly uncomfortable for me. However, after a few days I decided I needed to write the stinking Bio!!

Entry five: I finished my part of the Bio...even though it took the better part of two days to come up with a couple of paragraphs. As I am literally typing up the finishing part, I get an email containing the first reference! My part done. First reference arrives. Bingo. Now, should I send reminders to the others? Lord guide me. I don't want this to be about me at all!

A few new wrinkles later, I sent reminders and everyone I reminded thanked me for it! How funny that I was stressing about sending them and then they actually thanked me for reminding them in the end. A little over a month after I sent out the requests and here I sit with a nearly completed Bio. I ended up sending 16 requests and 12 of those people responded with eagerness to help!! When will I simply exercise my faith?!

It's funny how God takes us through processes. (Otherwise known as "growth"...)

Going.

I've always had this system of belief that things deserving recognition will make themselves known. For example, as my girls entered school, I never wanted to run around telling how really smart they were and that they deserved special attention or mention. I just believed that if they were indeed "so smart" teachers would notice and see it from interacting with them and from reviewing their work. I just didn't want to brag or appear arrogant.

Fast forward to when I began to sense the Holy Spirit giving me a inward fire for ministry. I was burning so intensely for hurting people and a compulsion to share God with them that my skin was searing. Anyone I reluctantly shared this burn with, I preceded with five minutes of disclaimers, excuses and apologies for even considering that I might be useful for God. The inadequacy had its origination in this desire to not brag or appear arrogant which I suppose could be an admirable desire, but not when dressed in and motivated by HUGE self-doubt.

I have written and recently reviewed YEARS of journaling begging God to reveal to me the why, when & where. I prayed earnestly for open doors and opportunities. When neither of those things happened as I imagined they could have...more doubt settled in. Eventually I had nearly extinguished the fire and convinced myself that an arrogant me had mis-heard God.

As I watched years roll by I rolled through all sorts of emotions. Embarrassment for placing myself in a category with others in ministry for whom I have much admiration. Anger at God because I knew ministry was where He wanted me but yet He wasn't allowing me to live it out. Hurt because He placed a raging passion inside of me and then sat me in a corner and forgot all about me. Awareness of the intense spiritual battle I was in and the defeat I was surrendering to. Exhilaration and victory for every little step that I made back down the right road only to almost immediately accept defeat again. And, I couldn't just exist because I had huge pressure coming from outside telling me all the reasons why not and this intense, persistent force within me saying..."Go girl! Share Me!" Oh, what misery. Pure misery.

A friend of mine who is passionately serving in missions created a newsletter and mailed it out. When I opened mine, my heart hurt. I was angry, jealous, and defeated...again. She was doing it! She was putting herself out there. Believing and living out her belief.

I wrote in my journal:
God, I want to believe like Moses and Abraham. I want radical, bold belief. I feel so inadequate to do what my soul burns to do and yet that is exactly what you need--a willing, inadequate soul. God I have a desire to be wholly and fully willing and obedient. I am pure in the blood of Christ. Help me with the ugly, fleshly filth that must be dealt with. What would you have me do? Is everybody not tired of hearing me harp about my testimony? Am I living in the past? Recent past or not, it is still my testimony. It is pretty remarkable that we made it through intact. How about not just intact--we made it through BETTER! God, is it too much to ask for an encourager? If that encourager is to be You, shout louder God! Lord, if I am supposed to put myself out there, like other people in ministry that fight for it...for You...for lost people... Oh, wow! Eye opener! I'm not fighting to get out there and show "me" off. I am showing off YOU to a lost and hungry generation. Wow! I almost don't know what to say. Not everyone would even understand the hugeness of what has just been revealed to me! You are amazing God! Thank you for caring about me. What next? What in the next 5 minutes? I'm desiring to be led even off of this very stool I sit on. Willing. Send me. Use me. Help me walk in a belief that KNOWS You can do all You say You can do!

Don't you know God said, "Goodness, that girl FINALLY got it. This isn't about HER, it's about ME! Now go, Angie. This is a serious deal. This is MY deal Angie. These are big issues. These are kingdom issues. There are lost, hurting souls that need to know they have a loving Savior, forgiveness of sins, and an eternal future just waiting to be accepted. Now stop sniveling and GO tell them! Go."

It wasn't immediate as I looked at my friends newsletter. I did see right away that she was doing something I couldn't. She was putting herself out there. She was doing it. But, I didn't see right away that she was putting herself out there for GOD. She was fighting against all worldly forces to be a voice sharing Jesus.

I'm going. I'm willing. Praise God that I am inadequate so that through Him, I am able. Here I go...

I'll need prayer. :)

I have a website--however elementary it might be right now ;)

www.justmorejesus.com

I'm also preparing a Bio. In the Bio, there is a little background information about me and in it I am also requesting an opportunity to come share with any church or group my testimony of God's provision, His Word and His love. This isn't my mission...this is His.

(By the way, if you want a Bio sent to you or your church you can email me at angie@justmorejesus.com)

Let's just see what God has in store.